Father’s Day has passed, and we are reminded once again of what a worthless holiday it is. Since it was on Sunday, no one got a day off from work, no schools were closed and no one marched in a Father’s Day parade.  Father’s Day sales were the only “events,” and those were only for the most stereotypical dad gear—tools, ties and tires. It is time that we called the day what it really is: “Feeble Attempt at Equality Day.”

As a backlash reaction to the women’s movement, President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1966 declared an official day to honor fathers to counterbalance the more established and justified Mother’s Day. The root of the problem is that fathers are not equal to mothers. Fathers, at best, provide logistical support for the mothers who navigate the human race into the future. Frankly, fathers don’t need to be in the process at all. Some people may disagree with this statement, but we only need to examine the worlds of nature and television to see that father does not always know best.

There have been plenty of examples in television of single moms raising healthy families. The coolest example was Shirley Partridge, who not only birthed five children, but also drove the Partridge Family bus and sang backing vocals in groovy, frilly pirate shirts. She did recreationally date once in a while (after all, she was a rock star, too), but she could indulge herself because her logistical support was covered by agent Rubin Kindaid, who booked the family’s gigs and was the straight man for Danny Partridge’s jokes.

Naysayers might argue that Shirley’s kids had a father who simply died before we caught up with the rockin’ family. For traditionalists, women must woo men to summon the stork. But this is not true, as evidenced by Murphy Brown when she chose to be artificially inseminated and have a baby on her own. The plot caused then Vice President Dan Quayle to blow a gasket and reprimand the Murphy Brown character for ignoring the importance of fathers and soiling family values. In the end, Murphy became a good mother and Dan Quayle left the public eye. (He is rumored to still be studying for his GED.)  

Perhaps television writers have only been mimicking nature, because some animals have a reproductive strategy that also leaves the father out of the picture. It is called parthenogenesis, which literally means “virgin creation.” The term describes the fertilization of female eggs without the contribution of male sperm. In about 70 animal species, females can simply reproduce without the hassles of shacking up with a mate. Imagine if Debra could have had her kids without Raymond and his kooky family. The show would have been called “Everybody Could Do Without Raymond.”

One parthenogenic species of animal is the Komodo dragon. This is the big lizard that bit Sharon Stone’s husband on the foot in 2001 at the Los Angles Zoo. The reptiles normally “get it on” to make babies, but they can also reproduce asexually. Being switch hitters is an advantage to a species that lives in the island-rich region of Indonesia. If a female goes for a swim and finds herself on a deserted island, she can reproduce on her own and start a new population. Once her kids have matured, the family can then go back to sex-based reproduction, which, oddly, is always accompanied by banjo music.

Another animal was recently added to the list of virgin birthers. DNA evidence confirmed last month that a bonnethead shark in an Omaha aquarium gave birth to a pup without the aid of a male. This, along with another virgin birth of two white spotted bamboo sharks in a Detroit aquarium, demolishes the previously held belief that sharks were strictly sexual reproducers. Many other sharks may also be able to reproduce without a male, but they are smart enough to avoid Omaha and Detroit.
The single best example of pop-parthenogenesis is Paradise Island, home of Wonder Woman and her sister Amazonians. In a society completely devoid of men, the Amazonians prospered on Paradise Island for 3,000 years, where they perfected the art of hand-to hand combat, lesbian lovemaking and opening jars. 

The natural world too has an example of a female-only species. The New Mexico whiptail lizard reproduces exclusively by parthenogenesis. All of these lizards are female, and their offspring are nearly perfect genetic clones of the mother. But, like the Amazonians of Paradise Island, the lizards do perform sexual acts on one another. Researchers at the University of Texas study the mating behavior of these female lizards. When placed in a cage, the females take turns mounting each other and laying viable eggs. No sperm is involved, but the lady lizards do have a good time. Scientists have determined that the male role-playing is needed to elevate critical hormones during egg development. Apparently, the lizards don’t over think it.

Of course, all of these virgin births beg the question: Can humans reproduce parthenogentically? To date, no mammal has been found that naturally uses parthenogenesis. However, in 2004, some Japanese researchers artificially created a fatherless mouse. It appears that Father’s Days are numbered.