Welcome dear reader, to a tale of piscatorial horror that will surely make your spine tingle and your teeth hurt. During this Halloween month, we offer up a chilling story that includes impalement, ruddy gore and, worst of all, a mother-in-law. It all took place on the mist-enshrouded waters of the Connecticut River in Hanover as we went in search of the legendary “zombie fish” for our Catch-M-All quest.

The trip began innocently, as most ill-fated things do. Our quest to catch and eat every kind of freshwater fish in one year led us to the fringe of the state in search of Sander vitreus, a.k.a., the walleye.

This cousin of the yellow perch has many perch features: spiny fins, sharp gill covers, streamlined body and a strong predatory mindset. But the truly unique, and some would say haunting, characteristic of these fish is the eyes. A walleye’s eyes are quite large and have a mirrored, transparent appearance that resembles the blank stare of the undead. Scientists say they eyes look that way because they are designed to see in low light conditions. We think they just like creeping out the other fish.

Another reason we call walleyes “zombie fish” is that their fight on the end of the line resembles the plodding stagger of the infected ghouls from “Dawn of the Dead.”

We thought the best chance of catching a legal walleye was in the Connecticut River because there is no minimum size limit (walleye can be found in the Merrimack River, too, but they must be at least 18 inches to keep). Unfortunately, we were not both available to fish the river at the same time, so Clay decided to do a mini family vacation that included a fishing trip. He called around to different hotels on the river and talked to Jennifer and Carl at the Chieftain Inn in Hanover who were excited to hear about the quest and wanted to help any way they could. They lent him a 14-foot boat with an outboard and the use of a room for two nights. Carl also shared some advice on where walleye have been caught near their docks. Clay was feeling pretty good about the weekend, but his feelings would change once the fishing began. 

As Clay was getting ready to go out in the boat, his mother-in-law, Sue “Mumsy” Nelson, asked if she could go, too. Just Clay and Mumsy, in a small boat, on a fast-flowing river, surrounded by zombie fish—what could go wrong?

Mumsy hadn’t done much fishing but figured if her son-in-law could do it, how hard could it be? After motoring upstream to a likely spot, the two began slinging shiny spoons with large treble hooks into the turbid water. Clay winced every time the lure came swinging by his head but thought all was going pretty well as they floated downstream.

But while Mumsy was taking a break, her rod fell and she grabbed at it. Big mistake, because she accidentally snatched the lure and the hook buried deep into her finger. At that point, Clay thought he heard zombie fish laughing below. Fearing what the fresh blood might attract, Clay went for help. Like a bad horror movie chase scene, the bloodied angler and the heroic son-in-law motored in seemingly slow motion toward the Chieftains docks while envisioning a zombie fish horde bubbling behind them.

In the emergency room, the nurses and doctors were bemused with the fishhook in the mother-in-law scene, especially since the son-in-law was videotaping and giggling the whole time. After examining the wound, they decided to cut the hook in half and pull the parts out. To do this they used some rusty pliers that looked like they were borrowed from the janitor. This did not faze Mumsy, though, who summoned her Yankee courage and gritted her teeth as the hook was pulled out. After the nurses bandaged her finger, Mumsy said, “Let’s go fishing!” What a gal.

Four hours later, Mumsy was back on the water, this time bouncing a worm threaded onto a small white jig with red eyes on the river bottom. A few minutes passed before Mumsy noticed her pole was bending toward the depths. She slowly reached for the rod and began reeling it in as best she could with her sore finger.

By the plodding zombie-like progress of the fish, we knew it was a walleye. When Mumsy lifted it into the boat, she was excited and a little scared, as if a bite from this zombie fish would initiate her into ranks of the living dead. But Clay subdued the fish and they both cheered in triumph.
With that, Sue Nelson became part of the Catch-M-All quest by catching fish number 33! She certainly earned it.

To more pictures of the zombie fish and a video of the hook removal, visit www.catch-m-all.com. Also, during the last week of October, we will be posting the scariest fish stories we have ever heard from around the world, so find us on Facebook and add your stories to the mix.