by Charles Bukowski
307 pages, 1977, Black Sparrow Press

by Ellen Raskin
1978, 185 pages, E.P. Dutton

“I, Samuel W. Westing, declare this to be my last will and testament and do hereby swear that I did not die of natural causes. My life was taken from me—by one of you!”

by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine
222 pages, William Heinemann Ltd., 1990

Few people like to be preached at—especially when they have already taken it upon themselves to read a book about a heavy subject, like endangered species, for example. We already know the facts: Since our appearance on this planet, humans have polluted and poached their way through all corners of the world, destroying and eliminating thousands of different species of animals, birds, insects and plants. In short, we suck. We know this. But our simple little brains don’t want to feel guilty, they want to be entertained. So why not take a man famous for writing funny books that include aliens, the existence of which has yet to be proven, and let him tell the story of creatures who may not exist much longer?

On Feb. 28, 1955, a windy gale swept eight sailors over the side of a Columbian Navy destroyer and into the Caribbean Sea. Seven of those sailors drowned that day, but 20-year-old Luis Alejandro Velasco managed to fling himself aboard a small life raft, which became his temporary home on the surface of a vast and desolate sea. When he washed up on the northern Columbian shore 10 days later, he was weak, emaciated and blistered by the sun, having eaten nothing but a couple of bites of raw fish and a mysterious root, and having drunk only a few swallows of salty seawater. But he was alive. The account he later relayed to Gabriel Garcia Marquez, then a young newspaper reporter in Bogotá, offered thousands of eager and curious readers a taste of what it is like to be lost and alone at sea.   

by Jeanette Winterson
157 pages, 1987, Grove Press

It’s that time of year again. You know, the one Hallmark invented to sell cards? That’s right, Valentine’s Day, when people show their affection for one another with confections and flowers, while the holiday’s spokesperson, Cupid, supposedly flutters around with his bow poised, hoping to strike love between two lucky people. Right. Because nothing induces romance and makes someone feel all is right with the world like the idea of being skewered with an arrow by an androgynous flying midget in a diaper.

In reality, love isn’t a store-bought creation. Love is more like a fairytale. Not one of those Disney yarns, with singing bluebirds and mice doing the laundry, but a Grimm fairytale, with blood and torment and sometimes a happy ending, sometimes not. That’s a realistic love story. Hell, things even end badly in the book version of “The Princess Bride” (which is every bit as good as the film).

In nearly every romance ever portrayed on paper or screen, there is always something that threatens to separate the happy couple—another person, a war, an illness, an iceberg. But in Jonathan Lethem’s “As She Climbed Across the Table,” never before has the threat been so real ... and yet so nonexistent.

Of the 6 billion people on the planet, 1 percent of them have red hair. Until recently (or possibly still), redheads had been regarded in many cultures as evil or other-worldly, quick to temper, afraid of the sun. So, it makes perfect sense that Tom Robbins, himself a 1-percenter, would fuse redheaded lore with the angst of love and teenagedom.

Lusty, busty, redheaded Leigh-Cheri could almost pass for a normal teenager, were it not for the fact that she is a princess from deposed European royalty under CIA-protection in suburban Seattle. She lives with her mother, Queen Tilli, who is fond of opera and her Chihuahua, and her father, King Max, who loves to gamble and has a prosthetic heart. (“The noise that his heart valve produced sounded like two mechanical mice making love in a spoon drawer.”)

by Ayn Rand
1943, 752 pages, Bobbs Merrill

Every once in a while, you pull a novel from the stacks that unexpectedly delivers a philosophical kick to the head. I didn’t know much about “The Fountainhead,” by Ayn Rand, until my brother, an architecture student, handed it to me. Rand’s philosophy of selfishness as a virtue was familiar, and I knew the book had something to do with architecture, but I had no idea that, in the midst of reading it, I would be forced to question some of my deepest held convictions.

One snowy day, Mole and Troll decide that, with Christmas fast approaching, it would be a perfect time to pick out a Christmas tree. So, they get all bundled up in their coats, hats and scarves and set off into the forest to choose one. Mole could hardly contain his excitement.

“‘Let’s see,’ he said. ‘I will take that one and that one. No, wait! I want those three and that little one and that one, too!’”

Troll has to rein Mole in a little before he chops down all the trees in the woods. So, Troll decides he will spin Mole around and whichever tree Mole staggers into first, that will be the one they pick.

Long before Harry Potter was introduced, there were other Potters in literature—Ben, Tom and Lindy, to be exact. Mary Poppins, aka Julie Andrews Edwards, brought them into existence two decades before J.K. Rowling had written a word about the boy wonder of Hogwarts. The similarities between Harry and the other Potters are remarkable. They are all young, restless children leading dull lives who learn that there are, in fact, other places and creatures out there in the world, unbeknownst to most adults. Wait, that’s almost every kids’ story ...

by Ian Frazier
1986, 123 pages, Picador

Don’t be put off by the title. Well, certainly, we encourage you to be turned off by the title, but just because it sounds like a how-to book authored by Oedipus, don’t let it deter you from picking it up. “Dating Your Mom” is actually a hilarious collection of essays by author and frequent New Yorker contributor Ian Frazier.

Ok, so this isn’t really a book, but it’s a whole lot of fun.

From the introduction:

Living electrically is a modern art. It contributes at once to the convenience and comfort, the pride and pleasure, the health and happiness of the home and the family. It is an art in which every woman should be well versed.
The woman who understands the Art of Living Electrically can become truly a queen of the home, with the equal of an army of well-trained servants at her command.

by William Monahan
223 pages, Riverhead Books

We know, we know—Tome Raider is supposed to be about old books, and “Light House” was written in 2000. While seven years may not seem like a long time (unless you’re referring to milk or hamsters), if you’ve never encountered “Light House” before, you’ve gone seven years too long without reading the funniest book ever. William Monahan, who recently picked up an Oscar for Best Screenplay for “The Departed,” has written a perverse and hilariously disturbing novel.

Think “Fawlty Towers” meets “Scarface.”

Tim Picasso is an amazingly talented art student, but too uncompromising to make it in the commercial art world. So, to make a little money, he takes a job in Florida running drugs for Jesus Castro, a Shakespear-quoting Spanish gangster. Tim’s dally with crime is brief, and he soon decides instead to steal a huge amount of money from Jesus and take off for New England to hide out.

by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
1774, 167 pages

Love sucks. If you’re breathing, at some point in your life, love has probably bashed you over the head ... and then continued to kick you while you were down until you thought you might die. While most people believe the torment they experience over unrequited love is exclusive to them, “The Sorrows of Young Werther” realistically attests to the fact that heartbreak began occurring way before you confessed your love for someone, only to have him or her remove you as a MySpace friend.

by Edgar Rice Burroughs
1913

Make no mistake: this is your grandfather’s Mars.

Or, maybe, your great-grandfather’s. Originally published serially in All-Story Magazine in 1913, “The Gods of Mars” is the second of 11 books that Edgar Rice Burroughs set on Mars—a Mars with breathable air and peopled with warring civilizations using fantastic technologies, both barbaric and advanced - written before anyone could prove otherwise.