Life is unfair enough without having cheaters in the game. Recent sports scandals involving doping and game-fixing has left fans wondering if they are the dopes for cheering on a bunch of crooks. It turns out that nature has its own share of scandalous cheaters who rig the game in their favor. Perhaps, by examining these wild cheaters, we can gain better insight on how to clean up professional sports.

Ecologists have termed nature’s cheaters “aggressive mimics.” These are creatures that disguise themselves as other animals to gain a deadly advantage. Put simply, they are real world examples of “wolves is sheep’s clothing.”

One of the most interesting and relatively common aggressive mimics is the lacewing. Larvae of this dainty-looking insect are voracious predators of smaller insects, especially aphids. However, lacewings have difficulty preying on some species of aphids because ants protect the aphids like farmers protecting their flock. Some aphids bribe ants to be their bodyguards by excreting a sweet liquid called honeydew from their anuses. The ants love this ass-ade and will attack anything that threatens their sugar daddies.

One species of aphid that is protected by ants is the wooley alder aphid. They got their name from the waxy, fluffy, wool-like coats they wear on their backs for protection against the elements. When on a tree, they look like shredded bits of white foam rubber sprinkled on the branches and leaves. The ants tend to their diminutive sheep by gently stroking them with their antennae.

But the lacewing larvae have figured out a way to fleece the ants. The larvae will pull some of the wool off of the aphids and stick it to its own back. After it has a full wool coat, it simply blends into the aphid flock. The sheparding ants think the disguised predator is just another aphid. The lacewing roams freely among the wooly aphids and takes its pick of the flock.
Instead of a coat of wool, an infamous human cheat chose to cloak himself in the grey polyester shirt and blue pants of an NBA referee. Tim Donaghy is the referee currently under investigation for allegedly betting on games he officiated. Some insiders suspect him of fixing games for the mob, especially during the playoffs. Just like lacewings, Donoghy hid behind a deceptive uniform that allowed him free access to the game where he could prey on unsuspecting players and fans.
Another aggressive mimicking human is Barry Bonds. He is strongly suspected of using anabolic steroids during his baseball career, in which he has racked up 755 home runs (as of Aug. 6), tying Hank Aaron’s highly coveted record. But Hank did not use steroids to accomplish his feat. Some say the use of chemicals is an unfair advantage that modern players have over their historic counterparts. But using chemicals to cheat is the modus operandi of several creatures, including the masterful American bolas spider.

The American bolas spider is a brilliant chemist of the animal world because it has figured out how to mimic the sex pheromones of certain moth species. The female spider produces the lepidopteron “Love Potion #9” which causes male moths to make a beeline for what they think is a routine booty call. What awaits them is a spider that captures the horny moth with a sticky ball dangling from a short webby line that it swings with one of its legs (hence the name bolas spider). The male moth is quite disappointed.  Perhaps baseball fans should be bracing for a similar feeling when number 756 sails over the fence.
Another sports cheating story in the news is the Formula I racing spy scandal. Industrial espionage runs rampant in the high-tech, high-stakes world of Formula I. Earlier this year, racing car company Ferrari caught an engineer from rival McLaren-Mercedes spying on its design department. Ferrari also fired a technician for attempting to sabotage its cars. Numerous lawsuits are pending regarding stolen information between most of the top racing car manufactures.

Espionage also exists in nature. One such spy is the large blue butterfly. At first glance, it looks like any other butterfly as it lopes from flower to flower in the summer, feeding and laying eggs. But once a caterpillar has hatched, it works its way to the base of its host plant, where it waits for a sucker—the red ant.

Like the bolas spider, the large blue butterfly caterpillar has an advanced degree in chemistry that it uses to cover itself with pheromones that mimic the odor of a red ant. This is very effective because most ants have poor eyesight and rely largely on their senses of smell and taste to navigate the world. When the red ant stumbles upon the caterpillar, the ant thinks it has found a wayward baby ant (called a grub). The ant gently picks up the caterpillar and carries it back to the nest. Once there, the caterpillar preys on the ant grubs with which it is sharing quarters. The ants treat the invader as another one of their children, oblivious to the fact that they have invited a killer into the nursery.

There is one important difference between cheating athletes and animals. The laws of sports pale in comparison with the laws of nature. In sports, it is only a game. If the players lose, they only miss out on a trophy and a cash bonus. But in nature, the stakes are much higher; cheating is simply a way to survive. Therefore, it seems logical that, instead of trying to eliminate cheating in sports, we should simply up the ante of the games. Perhaps the losers should be barbequed and fed to the winners, putting a whole new spin on the term “bowl games.”