Britney Spears’ “Dateline NBC” interview on June 15 is evidence that she is under new management.

Earlier in her career, the pop superstar embraced media attention with stunts like frenching Madonna and getting hitched in Vegas, but thanks to the journalistic skill of Matt Lauer, today’s older and wiser Britney revealed that the media is now emotionally crushing her. In between commercial breaks, she described how the paparazzi is ruining her marriage and preventing her from being a good mom. All she wants to be is left alone. By the end of the interview she was dripping with tales of woe and soupy mascara.

So, who has given Britney this new advice to spew forth a sympathy shield? It sounds like the work of Aphrophora saratogensis, commonly called the Saratoga spittlebug.

Yes, the Saratoga spittlebug knows all too well the value of some well-used bodily fluids. Soft and mushy, young spittlebugs are susceptible to being eaten or dried out by the sun as they slurp plant juices through their straw-like mouths. So to provide protection, they excrete waste products and air to form a white bubbly nest of spittle. In other words, they the blow bubbles out their ass and hide in them. The spittle masses keep the nymphs moist and are very effective against most predators, because who is really going to poke around in a pile of ass bubbles?

Thus cloaked, Britney explained to Matt Lauer how paparazzi at Starbucks made her put her baby on her lap as she drove away in her car and how they almost made her drop her kid in New York last month. She also blames America in general for paying too much attention to her mothering, skimpy clothes and marital challenges instead of her musical skill. Mozart reportedly had the same problem.

Saratoga spittlebugs, too, have their faults. The adults can be a serious pest to young red pine trees, and to a lesser extent on Scotch, jack and white pines. The nymphs can infest sweet fern and a variety of other herbs and shrubs, fouling the foliage with globs of white spittle, which are colloquially called cuckoo spit. If the infestation is heavy, they can stunt or deform growing shoots and may even kill entire trees.

Considering how much they suck, it’s fair to say the spittlebug comparison extends to Brit’s husband K-Fed (Kevin Federline). He is most often accused of hitching his wagon to the Spears’ gravy train to boost his mediocre rapping career. But really, it’s the fact that he left his girlfriend when she was six months pregnant with his child to run off with Brit that gives K-Fed that special parasitic pest quality.  

To be fair, both spittlebugs and Brit have some admirable qualities. Adult meadow spittlebugs are outstanding jumpers. Earlier this year, a Cambridge zoologist documented that a quarter-inch tall adult spittlebug can jump two feet, which bests the flea as world record leaper. Translated into human dimensions, a 5-foot-tall person with spittlebug powers could easily leap over the Washington Monument. Britney’s best quality is that she is the mother of 9-month-old Sean and will have a second baby in about three months—she’s a mom and a pop superstar, all before the age of 25.

Brit’s pleas for amnesty from the public eye might garner more sympathy if she didn’t use the media so much to advance her career. After all, she and K-Fed did videotape their lives for broadcast on their 2005 reality show, “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic.” She also chose to announce the very personal news of her second child on “Late Night with David Letterman.” And finally, ironically, she went on television to ask for privacy. Here’s a tip on how to avoid the media: avoid the media.

Ultimately, both spittlebugs and Britney are slaves to their nature and are fated to live their lives in crappy bubbles that both protect them and draw attention. To see spittlebugs, walk outside and look for white masses on plant stems, especially at the juncture of two branches. Carefully wipe away the spittle and you will find a small, pale insect who just wants to be left alone. To read the full transcript of Britney’s Dateline interview, go to www.msnbc.msn.com.