So Brad and Jen are the latest residents of Splitsville. Their high-profile breakup has been delectable fruit for the tabloids, a feast for the pop-minded. Why won't Jen have a baby? Was George Clooney whispering in Brad's ear, or was Angelina nibbling it? There are many theories as to why the golden duo decided to call it quits. The real truth may be that Brad and Jen needed better role models than the flighty friends they have in Hollywood. They should take a break from Tinseltown and head to wilder lands to observe successful loving animal couples in long-term relationships.

Their first stop should be Africa, where they can learn the basics from the lovebird, one of the more famous amorous creatures. These birds raise their young together, constantly cuddle and preen each other's feathers. But while I'm sure Brad and Jen would like the idea of mutual preening, that's where their mimicry of these small parrots should end. As much as the bird's behavior looks like love, research has revealed that lovebird pairs do not actually mate for life exclusively. Like nearly all other birds that we once thought were truly monogamous, genetic testing has revealed that most lovebirds fool around on the side. It turns out that both males and females sneak away for a little "extra-marital" sex to stir up the gene pool. Researchers estimate that about 90 percent of the animals that we used to think were exclusive daters are really swingers. The same can be said for many Hollywood couples, too, though Brad and Jen had seemed to be different.

Because lovebirds form devoted pairs to build a nest and raise their chicks, they are still considered socially monogamous by behavioral scientists. Social monogamy arises when both parents are required to feed and protect their young. Most birds are in this situation. If, however, an animal couple raises a family and only has sex with each other, then that is referred to as genetic monogamy. Genetic monogamy also involves a great deal of parental care, but there are usually other factors that encourage fidelity.

For example, a small African antelope called the Kirk's dik dik (Kirk was a hilarious biologist) maintains a genetically monogamous relationship because the doe is in heat, or receptive to fertilization, for only a short period of time. Therefore, it's in the buck's best interest to keep his gal close because she ain't gonna give it up too often. Brad should try to be more like a Kirk's dik dik and not be away from Jen so long. Astonishingly, he was away from Jen for months and months while shooting "Oceans Twelve" and "Troy." (Lesson to all guys: don't be a dumb dik dik by taking your lady for granted).

The tabloids claim that it was the family issue that broke up Brad and Jen. If that's so, then to better understand Brad's stance on the subject, Jen should go to South America and spend some time with pygmy marmosets. Pygmy marmosets, the smallest true monkeys at five inches long and a mere half a pound, live in the trees and frolic about in tight family groups, feeding primarily on tree sap during the day. Their groups are made up of an adult pair and one to six kids. When the female has babies (usually fraternal twins), the father and the older children all take turns caring for the young. This is believed to strengthen the child-rearing abilities of young marmosets. The young hang on the backs of both parents and older siblings for about six weeks. They are just about the cutest little family units on the planet. They do have a feisty side, though. Pygmy marmosets vigorously defend their territory and mark it using scent glands located on their chest and suprapubic area. Apparently, to a marmoset, nothing says "home" like the smell of a suprapubic area. If asked, Brad would probably admit he has a little primate fantasy of his wife and six kids living in a pastoral Brazilian bungalow. But apparently Jen wants no part of it.

Another good role model for Brad and Jen would be the California mouse. These cute rodents pair up for life, and both male and female only have eyes for each other. A researcher at the University of California, Davis, speculates that one reason for the mouse's fidelity may be that both parents are needed to keep newborn pups warm through their first winter. California mice take the family unit very seriously, and it's an all-or-nothing proposition. If the male leaves, the mother will kill or abandon the young. If the mother leaves, the nursing young will starve. Therefore staying together is paramount. The take-home message for Brad and Jen is that California is a harsh place, and you need your loved ones close to survive.

Alas, it may be too late for Brad and Jen. But history suggests that soon Justin and Cameron, Jessica and Nick, and Ben and Jennifer (Garner) will soon have their turn on the front pages. A word of advice to these stars: skip the high-priced couples counseling and just take a trip to the San Diego Zoo. They have dik diks!