"It is beyond cool." This is what Tom Cruise said about dating Katie Holmes during his Oprah interview last month. In fact, Tom leaped over cool and did a cannonball into lame. During the same interview he giggled uncontrollably, jumped up and down on the couch, and pumped his arms like a victorious hockey player. Katie, on the other hand, has taken the "high school girlfriend" approach to their relationship. She simply smiles coyly, makes out with him in public, and says things like, "The wonderful thing is that when we met, it was just like, 'hi.'" The public outbursts of affection and televised disclosures seem odd given celebrities' typical aversion to paparazzi. Is there something more here than love?

Oh, yeah. The Tom/Katie combo seems to be a giant media stunt that is benefiting both players and the legions of publicists and agents who feed off stars' notoriety. Both actors are currently promoting movies: Katie is in Batman Begins, opening June 15, and Tom is in War of the Worlds, opening June 25. These rehashes were shaping up to be rather humdrum, so it was clear that pre-release interviews had to be spiced up. And what is spicier than a weird coupling? Nature too, loves Bizzaro World relationships and has already done a Katie/Tom coupling, although with a lot less hype.

In the natural world there are a group of organisms that are really two: the lichens. Lichens are a mutually beneficial partnership between fungi and either algae or green bacteria, called cyanobacteria. Together they make an organism that looks like dry green or gray corn flakes on rocks and tree bark. There are, astonishingly, 25,000 species of lichens. The cooperative deal is that the fungus provides the living quarters and the alga provides the food by transforming light energy into carbohydrates, a process also called photosynthesis. This living arrangement is referred to as symbiosis-both partners benefit from the relationship.

In the symbiotic Katie/Tom pairing, Tom is the fungus. He provides the firm Hollywood structure on which emerging stars can be lifted into the spotlight. Katie was smart to pick Tom because a lesser actor-say "Saved By The Bell"'s Screech-would not have given her the same career boost. Katie is the alga, the bright, fresh food-producing part of the couple. With her teenager looks and professed virginity, she converts the limelight into pure nourishing publicity. Tom also benefits because the relationship continues to fend off questions about his long-rumored homosexuality, as did his high profile coupling with Nichole Kidman, with whom he had two adopted children. The fact that Katie has said she will remain a virgin until she's married is also very convenient for possibly gay Tom.

Like lichen, the Tom and Katie coupling offers benefits to humanity as well. It bumped Michael Jackson trial stories from the headlines and has made middle-aged men believe they might have a chance with a college chick. Though we don't think of lichen as having similar powers, it has improved our lives throughout history. Poisonous wolf lichen was used to kill wolves in Europe, hence its name, and was thought to have magical powers, too. The Apache painted crosses on their feet with wolf lichen so they could pass their enemies unseen, although apparently U.S. Calvary riflemen had anti-wolf lichen goggles.

People all over the world have used lichens as a cloth dye. The wool for Harris Tweed and Scottish kilts was traditionally dyed with lichens. A lichen commonly called Tartarean moss was used to create the pH indicator litmus, which is the main ingredient in those little paper strips in high school chemistry class. In medieval times, coastal lichens were harvested to produce orseille, which is the purple dye used for royal cloth.

If you don't want to kill a wolf or dye your clothes, you can always eat lichen. In Japan, a lichen called rock mushroom is considered a delicacy when served in soups or deep fried. In Norway during bad harvest times, dried Iceland moss (a lichen) was used to supplement flour and make flatbreads and porridge. In British Columbia, a researcher living with an Ulkatcho Indian band was given advice on how to eat black tree lichen: He was told to put black tree lichen in a lake overnight, and when it was covered with fresh-water shrimp, toss the whole mess into a pot to make soup. (Apparently, anthropologists will do anything you tell them to do.) By far the prize for the most bizarre lichen dish goes to the Ingalik people of Alaska. According to a Yale anthropological account, Ingaliks make a dish called stomach ice cream. They take partially digested lichen from the stomach of a freshly killed caribou and mix in raw, mashed fish eggs. Apparently the thick treat is loved by all, although it probably won't be Baskins-Robins' 32nd flavor.

Another, more appealing reason to like lichens is their use as air quality monitors. Lichens are sensitive biological indicators of air pollution because they absorb nearly all of their nutrients and water from the atmosphere. Therefore, areas with smog or other harm airborne pollutants have a low diversity of lichens. By inventorying lichen communities, scientists can inexpensively identify large regions of bad air.

So will Katie and Tom get married? Will they have kids? Unlikely. If Tom is gay and Katie is a virgin, they will probably reproduce like most lichens. Part of them will break off, like Tom's arm or Katie's perky nose, and it will sprout a new actor. No, Katie is destined for the same fate as Penelope Cruz. The media will get bored of the relationship, and Tom will hit Tinsel Town again to make another deal. Next time around, Tom should try out the lifestyle of green dog lichen. This species not only partners up with algae but also cyanobacteria. It's a three way! Actually, scientists have termed it a tripartite relationship. Only a few examples are known of tripartite lichens, but this approach might be just the ticket for Tom's next movie promotion. Just think of the Oprah interview if he hooked up with Lindsey Lohan and Jamie Foxx. Way, way beyond cool!