Simon is a 2-year-old Alaskan malamute/pit bull mix who doesn’t mind being called a mutt. He enjoys long walks on the beach or anywhere else. He loves meeting other dogs and people. His favorite trick is to lure unsuspecting strangers into bending over to pet him so that he can jump up and lick them on the face. He likes to hike and mountain bike—it’s all just running and jumping to him.

Lately, his friends have been strapping all kinds of equipment to Simon when they go on adventures. Some of this stuff works pretty good, so he figured he’d review some of it.

Bison Designs
Scamper Dog Pack
Suggested retail: $36
Colors available: black, royal, red
Sizes available: one size

Score: 3 treats (out of 4)

I have to say that I’m pretty impressed with this pack. I was drooling over a sweet Mountainsmith pack, but my cheap owner opted for the Bison Designs at half the price. We went for a three-day, two-night hiking trip to the northern presidential range and I carried all my own food, my leash, booties and a bunch of treats (that I couldn’t get to, no matter how hard I tried).

The harness system is very adjustable, and simple, too. Two straps click the pack in place under my chest and belly. A third strap wraps across my sternum to hold everything snug. Pads keep the plastic clips from digging into my skin. After I got used to it, I hardly remembered it was there (except when I got stuck trying to run between some close-spaced trees).

The pack, which is detachable from the harness, works great in general. When not loaded down, it’s like wearing nothing at all. A leash can be attached through a loop on top. My only gripe is that if the two pockets aren’t weighted equally, the pack has a tendency to slide to one side after a while. Hey, I’ve got a rep to protect. I can’t be walking around all crooked!

Likes: Inexpensive. Good size—I can carry my own food and supplies without those jerks overloading me with all their gear.
Dislikes: Pack can shift if unevenly loaded.


Granite Gear
Endurance Dog Booties
Suggested retail: $15 per pair ($30 set of four)
Colors available: black
Sizes available: X-small, small, medium, large, X-large,
XX-large (size tested: large)

Score: 3.5 treats (out of 4)

Cloppity, cloppity, clop.

I sound just like a horse when I run in these things! It’s the coolest thing! It takes me a while to get used to them, so I high-step around for a while, but once we hit the trail they make me go a little crazy and I need to run, run, run!

420 Denier Cordura sidewalls, Durastretch Fleece laminate top and tongue, and a grippy sole make these things tough and comfy. They are warm and keep my paws dry (at least until I step into a muddy puddle that’s deeper than the booties). They come in six sizes and you can get different sizes for front and back paws, so they fit great.

The last pair of booties I used fell apart at the seams in a few days. I’ve only used these a few times so far, but they seem to be durable and well-constructed. For serious snow-hiking, Granite Gear also makes the Mush Dog Booties. The only difference is that the Mush soles are made of ski climbing skins that slide in one direction and dig in for unbelievable traction pushing forward.

These booties also have reflective strips on the Velcro closure straps for added visibility, and open up wide for pretty easy entry (except when I curl up my paws and pretend I’m not doing anything wrong).

Likes: Durable, fit great.
Dislikes: I did manage to lose one within half an hour, but I am the Houdini-est dog around.

Planet Bike
BRT Strap
Suggested retail: $15
Colors available: black with yellow reflective strip
Sizes available: one size fits all but the biggest dog

Score: 3 treats (out of 4)

OK, we got this safety band at the bicycle shop, and I didn’t even know it was for me until we got to the trailhead for a night-time mountain bike ride. It’s designed to fit around a human’s arm or ankle, but it’s adjustable and elastic, so it fits over my big noggin and around my neck just fine.
It’s got an 8-inch long yellow reflective strip that’s really bright if a car or bike light hits it. With the touch of a button, the LED strip lights up and flashes bright red (and it will continue to flash for 200 hours under the power of a tiny watch battery). If I try really hard to rub up against everything, I can occasionally get the light to turn off, but even then I still can’t hide since the reflective strip works so well.

Likes: My pick for the evolution of bling. Waterproof, visible up to 2,000 feet. Battery lasts forever.
Dislikes: I do manage to turn off the LED every now and then.


Nasty Tennis Ball I Found Buried in the Backyard
Suggested retail: $1 (didn’t cost me nothin’)
Colors available: muddy, muddier
Sizes available: one regulation size

Score: 4 treats (Out of 4)

Does it get any better than this? This thing smells awesome! Like I do if I can get out of having a bath for a few weeks. Bring this up to anyone, I mean anyone, and I guarantee they’ll say, “Eww.” So I shove it into them and slime their pants.

Go ahead, throw it for me. Here, here, take it. Please, please, please. Just throw it down the yard, pleeease! Just once, please, please, just once. C’mon, do it!

YES!!! Awesome.

OK, here it is. Throw it again! Again! Again! Please, please, please, please!!!!

Likes: What’s not to like?
Dislikes: OK, it doesn’t squeak, but it does smell awesome!

A big woof to all my buds at the dog park. I’ll smell all your butts later.
—Simon