area experts offer advice on taking the stress out of the holidays 

For many people, the holiday season is more about stress and pressure than it is about happiness and joy.

Joanna Wicklein, director of parent programming for Families First, Bob Breneman, owner of G. Willikers! Toys and Maria Sillari, vice-president of the local non-profit organization Womenade, spoke during a panel discussion about ways to reverse that trend and create meaningful holiday traditions. “End the Holiday Madness” took place on Nov. 13 at the Little Harbor School in Portsmouth.

The message to the audience of 15 women was clear: prioritize and simplify this holiday season.

“Once again, Christmas has us firmly by the throat,” Wicklein said, quoting the humorist P.G. Wodehouse, “and we must begin to peel those fingers away and make the holidays resonate what you want and not what popular culture and other people tell you what you want.”

The panel outlined a series of steps to make the holidays less stressful and more meaningful, but Wicklein and others emphasized that trying to do a complete overhaul might defeat the effort. “Modify and move forward as you make new traditions,” Wicklein said.

The panel focused on incorporating children’s wants and needs into the holiday festivities, and encouraged the group to think about what children really want and what they actually need. Wicklein said that with parental leadership, the holidays can provide an opportunity to teach children about the consumer culture they are exposed to year round, and kids can learn what is really important, beyond the gifts, through relaxed and loving time with family. “Put gifts in their place, don’t make presents the main focus,” Wicklein added. But when it comes to gifts, Maria Sillari said that communicating with your kids about what they want and don’t want for the holidays will make things easier for everyone.

Each panel member emphasized the importance of spending time with family. It is this time, Wicklein said, that children and adults will remember best next year and for years to come. “You feel like you’re a part of something and the traditions you create give kids a sense of pride and uniqueness,” she said.

Wicklein suggested organizing family activity nights around the holidays for making gifts, watching a favorite holiday movie or going for a walk in the woods. Family community service projects around the holidays offer a way to help others and to teach family members the importance of gratitude and grace. There are many local charity organizations seeking time and resources this holiday season. United Way of the Greater Seacoast offers a “Holiday Giving and Volunteering” directory online at www.uwgs.org.

Bob Breneman said that the “true holiday spirit is out there” for any family “like a sculpture in a slab of granite, it’s up to you to create it and allow it to come to you,” and he encouraged everyone to remember that “there is no perfect holiday, only perfect moments within it.”

The panel was presented by the Granite State Earth Institute, the New Hampshire chapter of the non-profit group the Northwest Earth Institute, based in Portland, Oregon. Their ongoing discussion series, “Healthy Children, Healthy Planet,” focuses on understanding and avoiding the negative effects of advertising, creating meaningful family time and exploring ways to foster creativity in children. The next program will be offered in January. For more information, call 603-373-0337.

Maureen Reilly is the 2006-2007 civic journalism fellow for the Carsey Institute at the University of New Hampshire. The program is funded by the Partnership for Effective Nonprofits.