As American obesity rates continue to soar, the Pepsi company introduces the limited editions Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwback. Made closely to the original recipes, they include real sugar, not the high fructose corn syrup and many –ine ending chemicals that pervade their present counterparts. (The ingredient lists on the bottles are now MUCH shorter.)

“Retro” would have been a better description, as “throwback” makes one think of something you wouldn’t want, but the drinks themselves are heart-swelling, bringing back memories of pom-poms on roller skates and feathered hair clips. The most immediate difference is less carbonation. Gone are the aggressive attack-your-nasal-cavities bubbles, replaced with a calmer, smoother syrup. The Pepsi has a warm, friendly taste, like a mud puddle in the Garden of Eden, and the Mountain Dew is clearer and nowhere near as sickly-sweet. Mmm... nostalgia.

Alas, this is the 21st century, where high fructose corn syrup costs a fraction of what real sugar does, so while it is nice of Pepsi to acknowledge that they are aware of the fact that we know they fill us full of chemicals now, the truth in advertising isn’t meant to last. Both Throwback drinks are set to disappear from the shelves June 12. (While the Throwback campaign has proven wildly successful so far, Pepsi should in no way take this as a sign to reintroduce Crystal Pepsi. Dear Gods, no one wants that.)