Frito-Lay, Inc.

You might think you’ve seen it all, but then there’s The Quest: something in a bag with the slogan “Guessing the flavor is just the beginning...”

Yes, it’s a snack with no substance at all, or at least none you’re supposed to be aware of. You’re supposed to buy it without any idea what you’re buying—heck, how do you even know it’s chips and not, say, dried pig ears?

But we are not without a sense of fun. Unfortunately, if you choose to take “The Quest” you’ll find out that they taste like lime, so it’s neither a new flavor, a mystery flavor, nor a good flavor.

The package boldly challenges us so “Solve the Puzzles... Take Control... Go To SnackStrongProductions.com to find out more.” We went to the website and saw a colorful little city with little buildings, each of which had a little bubble over it that said “Loading.” Then we left, because we didn’t care, at all.

We at Small Foods Laboratories eat snacks because we are hungry, not to play crappy website games devised by marketing firms. After eating a bag of “The Quest”, we were still hungry, but we were also angry and nauseous.

To paraphrase Winston Churchill,  Doritos The Quest is “...a mystery, wrapped in a bag of suck.”