Empire Pictures, 1985
starring: Peter Liapis, Lisa Pelikan, Michael Des Barres and Jack Nance
written and directed by: Luca Bercovici

the plot: After a distant relative dies, Jonathan Graves (Liapis) returns to his ancestral home with his girlfriend, Rebecca (Pelikan) in tow. Jonathan and Rebecca roam about the sprawling mansion and ponder just how Jonathan’s family, whom he never really knew, kept up with such a place. As Jonathan explores the basement, he finds boxes full of bizarre artifacts, texts on magical rites and other strange items. Meanwhile, the mansion’s caretaker, Wolfgang (Nance), keeps a watchful eye on the pair. Jonathan becomes increasingly obsessed with the strange items in the basement, intently studying the spell books and grimoires. And, when Rebecca is gone, he actually attempts to cast spells. His first few feats are small—he summons a few rat-like creatures and, during one incantation, conjures up two little people, Grizzel and Greedigut. But as Jonathan becomes more adept at using magic, his ambitions grow. He casts a spell on Rebecca to keep her from leaving him and, during a dinner party, uses his powers to force his friends to perform a horrible ritual. Jonathan doesn’t realize that his father, Malcolm (Des Barres), is controlling him from beyond the grave, using Jonathan’s powers as a means to resurrect his body. When Jonathan’s ritual goes awry, Malcolm rises from the grave and unleashes a torrent of tiny demons on Jonathan and his friends.

why it’s good:  “Ghoulies” is a perfect example of how a good marketing campaign with some memorable images can turn what should be a disposable piece of trash into a cult film. A tepid rip-off of “Gremlins,” the travesty of “Ghoulies” was aided and abetted by a pretty awesome poster image—a gross looking green ghoulie rising menacingly out of a toilet—with the tagline, “They’ll get you in the end.” To give you an idea of how memorable the marketing materials for “Ghoulies” were, here in the Video Vault, we spent a drunken evening a few years back furiously bidding on eBay for an official inflatable-toilet-with-ghoulie-popping-out video store promo (we didn’t win, luckily). The promise of mischievous monsters hiding out in the can and biting people in the ass is too alluring to resist, but the film itself fails to deliver anything remotely interesting. “Ghoulies” features your typical Satanists-summoning-demons plotline, with some lame background characters thrown in to provide fodder for the ghoulies. About those ghoulies—in short, they’re lame. The ghoulies don’t get up to too many hijinks. And that advertised scene of a creature in the toilet ready to bite someone’s rear-end? Doesn’t happen. The rest of the movie is a continuing series of let-downs and screw-ups, with a climactic, “Star Wars”-esque battle between Wolfgang and Malcolm—a scene that would have been compelling if either of those characters had appeared in the film for more than five minutes prior to duking it out with magic weapons. Despite all the awfulness, “Ghoulies” still managed to spawn three sequels, including one film in which the ghoulies go to college.

why you should own it: Unless you absolutely must see the first film appearance of Mariska Hargitay of “Law and Order,” you can safely pass on “Ghoulies.” MGM’s DVD features both “Ghoulies” and “Ghoulies II.” Whatever fond childhood memories of it you may have will surely wither into bitter disappointment.