Moreno Films, 1981
starring: Clint Howard, Joseph Cortese, Don Stark and Charles Tyner
directed by: Eric Weston

the plot: Stanley Coopersmith (Howard) just can’t get a break. A cadet at a prestigious military academy in California, Stanley is clumsy, shy, passive and unathletic—everything a young cadet shouldn’t be. It’s bad enough that his fellow cadet, Bubba (Stark) bullies Stanley every day, but even the adults get in on the act. The cruel Colonel Kincaid (Tyner) doesn’t let a day go by without informing Stanley of how awful a cadet he is, and even the Reverend Jameson (Cortese) harasses Stanley, forcing him to clean out the ancient, junk-filled basement of the school’s chapel. But, Stanley makes a chilling discovery in the basement—a book of the writings of Esteban, a mad monk from the 16th century who performed horrible Satanic rituals on the very spot where the chapel stands. Stanley, who makes up for his lack of social graces with his sharp intellect, sets about translating the book with the help of a stolen computer. As Stanley gathers items for a Black Mass, he finds that strange things are happening on campus and becomes wary of the book. But, when Bubba and his cronies kill a small puppy Stanley was secretly caring for, the disgruntled young cadet completes his malevolent machinations and embarks on a diabolic quest for revenge.

why it’s good: Mixing the worlds of computers and horror is always a dicey gambit (we’re looking at you, “Fear Dot Com” and “The Lawnmower Man”), but “Evilspeak” just barely manages to pull it off. Blending some homoerotic military academy action with a Satanic computer, “Evilspeak” finally answers the question of “What if demons knew DOS?” The result: lots of severed heads, ripped-out hearts and some nifty “Tron”-inspired graphics when everything starts blowing up. Starting with an elaborately staged decapitation, “Evilspeak” builds slowly, piling misery upon misery on Stanley until the blood-soaked finale. There are some cool parts in between, including a particularly gory scene in which a horde of pigs attacks a woman in a shower (don’t bother asking why a military academy keeps a stable of pigs). Clint Howard (Ron Howard’s little brother), is great as the bumbling, hopelessly clueless Stanley. Howard has fun with the role, especially at the film’s climax, when Stanley is transformed from a nebbish nerd to a sword-swinging agent of Satanic fury. “Evilspeak” is full of plot holes, but that should probably be expected in a movie about a possessed computer program. Say what you will about Microsoft, none of Bill Gates’ products require human blood in order to run properly.

why you should own it: “Evilspeak” is pretty awesome, and if you can find a cheap copy, pick it up. Anchor Bay’s DVD restores the film to its uncut glory and includes commentary by directory Weston.