Universal Pictures, 1983

starring: Adam Baldwin, Max Gail, Mr. T and Charlie Barnett

written and directed by: Joel Schumacher

the plot: Young Albert Hockenberry (Baldwin) journeys to Washington, D.C., to finally meet his uncle Harold (Gail), his father’s Vietnam buddy and owner of D.C. Cab, the capital’s grungiest, most incompetent hack company. Albert quickly befriends the wacky cabbies, including Samson (Mr. T), who drives a cab so he can help the neighborhood children, and Tyrone (Barnett), who dreams of one day driving pop singer Irene “Flashdance” Cara. But all is not well in the nation’s capital. An overzealous local bureaucrat wants to shut D.C. Cab down, and drivers with the rival Emerald Cab crew do all they can to sabotage Albert and his hapless friends. But things go really bad one afternoon when Albert gets entangled in a kidnapping plot involving a powerful ambassador’s two children. The kidnappers hold Albert hostage, the media falsely accuses him of orchestrating the plot, and it’s up to the rag-tag cabbies at D.C. Cab to save the day.

why it’s good: “D.C. Cab” is like “Police Academy,” but with cabs. Sadly, cab driving just doesn’t have the same sort of comedic possibilities as police work, and whatever comedy can be found in cab driving was exhausted by the sitcom “Taxi.” That doesn’t stop “D.C. Cab” from being utterly surreal, though, and that, combined with its straight-up terribleness, makes it pretty funny. The real draws here are Charlie Barnett and Gary Busey. Barnett’s character is a manic, moody proto-Dave Chappelle (Chappelle has said in interviews that Barnett was one of his comedy idols) who wears rollers in a ratty old wig so that people will think he’s crazy. Except, he actually is sort of crazy. As for Busey, well, he’s overweight, coked-out and full of piss and vinegar here, telling lame dirty jokes (“What’s the worst part about oral sex? The view!”) and spouting out non-sequiturs (“Bruce Lee is frozen and they’re going to thaw him out when the economy gets better!”). Bill Maher has a small role as one of the D.C. cabbies, and there are appearances by 1980s mainstays Marsha Warfield (from “Night Court”), the Barbarian Brothers and the terminally unfunny Paul Rodriguez. There is almost nothing in “D.C. Cab” that makes any sense, from the cabbies’ nightly ritual of chasing each other around in clown masks to why everyone is constantly humming the “Mission: Impossible” theme. As for Joel Schumacher, well, he sure was trying to say something with “D.C. Cab,” but just what that was is never really clear. But hey, “D.C. Cab” does feature Mr. T, and he does pity lots of fools, so it’s not all that bad.

why you should own it: “D.C. Cab” is worth watching at least once, but be warned: Universal’s DVD doesn’t even have a menu screen, and if left unchecked, the movie will play in an infinite loop until your DVD player breaks or the universe collapses into entropy. Watch out.