a.k.a. ‘T&A Academy’
The Great American Dream Machine, 1979

starring: Susan Kiger, Lindsay Bloom, Ken Olfson and Danny Bonaduce
directed by: Gerald Seth Sindel

the plot: At Fairenfield University (known affectionately as “Good ‘Ol F.U.”), Honey (Kiger) and her friends have all been rejected by the snooty girls in the Pi sorority. Determined to get even with Melody Ragmore (Bloom) and the rest of the Pi girls, Honey and her pals form H.O.T.S., an anti-sorority sorority whose goal is to steal all the men on campus away from Pi. The girls move into an old house and start throwing the most raucous house parties F.U. has ever seen, complete with bathtub moonshine, topless skydiving and an overly friendly seal. The H.O.T.S. girls attract the attention of Richie Walker (Bonaduce) and the rest of his frat friends, and it’s not long before the H.O.T.S. house is jumping. That doesn’t sit well with the crusty old dean (Olfson), who attempts to shut the girls down. The two opposing groups of girls engage in an escalating series of pranks—hot air balloon pie fights, bear kidnappings and so on. It all culminates with a massive strip football game that determines which group of girls will control F.U.

why its good: Long a staple of late-night Skinemax showings in the 1980s, “H.O.T.S.” is unabashedly terrible, yet oh so wonderful. It’s an epic T&A comedy with a go-for-broke spirit and a good-natured charm that makes it difficult not to love. The fact that there’s near constant nudity in the movie helps, too (two of “H.O.T.S.” stars, Kiger and Pamela Jean Bryant, are former Playmates, while Kimberly Carson went on to an illustrious career in the adult film industry). But even without all the jiggly boobs, “H.O.T.S.” is pretty fun to watch, mostly because of the ridiculous set pieces that fill the movie. When the H.O.T.S. girls first get in trouble, they file into the dean’s office and try to convince the dean and the Pi girls that H.O.T.S is an environmental group that actually stands for “Help Out The Seals” and not “Hang On To Sex”—bringing in their own pet seal to make their case. Later on, in another fairly foolish subplot, a pair of aging mobsters just escaped from jail start lurking around the H.O.T.S. house in search of some money they hid before getting thrown in the clink. To break into the house, one of the gangsters throws on a woefully dumb robot costume and pretends to be a state-of-the-art cleaning robot. Also, Danny Bonaduce goes to bed with a seal, a wet T-shirt contest turns into a disco contest and, later, a cat fight, and there’s that strip football game, which is about as excellent as you can imagine. But what does H.O.T.S. really stand for? Honey, O’Hara, Terri and Sam—the four founding members. And you thought it had to do with boobs.

why you should own it: A crown jewel among college sex comedies, there are worse additions to your video library than “H.O.T.S.” Anchor Bay released “H.O.T.S.” on DVD earlier this year, giving fans reasons to rejoice. All that rejoicing is probably limited, though—there’s a decided lack of extras, and while the transfer looks good, the sound is terrible. Then again, most viewers aren’t really listening to what the H.O.T.S girls say, anyway.