Noteworthy Films, 1970
starring: Maria Frost, Dorothy Grumbar and Valentine Dyall

written and directed by: Antony Balch

the plot: A talking mummy (voiced by Dyall) narrates a series of vignettes about how men and women have attempted to gain mastery over one another by using their sexual wiles. Among the stories is the tale of Lindy Leigh (Frost), a sexy secret agent sent to seduce a government official and steal his secrets—but Lindy’s target has ideas of his own, and Lindy may not complete her mission. Another segment follows the twisted exploits of a fetish photographer (Grumbar) who’s willing to do anything to get the perfect show.

why it’s good: When the opening shot of a film is of three naked 20-somethings (two males and one female, for those curious) frolicking in the hay, quickly followed by a talking mummy expounding on the mysteries of sex, you know you’re in for a treat. And “Bizarre” fulfills all the promise its title implies, even if the film doesn’t hold together all that well. The vignettes are short, sometimes too short, and there’s hardly any sense of plot or character. Only one of the segments, about the vicious photographer, is even slightly horrific.

The rest of the adventure is a mix of Benny Hill-style slapstick (particularly the “Lindy Leigh” story) and some seriously pretentious pontificating about the mating game. The copious amount of full-frontal nudity—both female and male—will surely distract you from any questions you may or may not have. The end of “Bizarre” is fully inexplicable: an almost 10-minute long soft-core orgy scene juxtaposed with shots of a sky filled with fireworks. What does it all mean? Only the mummy knows for sure.

why you should own it: “Bizarre” is a purchase for serious trash-cinema connoisseurs only. Others should rent “Bizarre” if they’re feeling particularly daring, or, perhaps, really bored. Synapse Film’s DVD features audio commentary by producer Richard Gordon. But the DVD’s best feature is “The Cut-Ups,” a series of shorts directed by Balch and famously weird writer William S. Burroughs.