rated R

In “Smart People,” a grumpy college professor meets and falls in love with an ER doctor, who just happens to be one of his former students. On their first date, she pulls out a paper from her class with him. He gave her a C, called her thesis sophomoric and said her conclusion was weak. The very same could be said of the film itself. On the surface, it’s “Little Miss Sunshine” for the academic set, with English department meetings substituting for child beauty pageants. But “Smart People” suffers from a definite lack of heart and, arguably, a considerable lack of brains.

Dennis Quaid stars as Lawrence Wetherhold, the crusty old professor filled with equal parts arrogance and grief over his long-dead wife. Sarah Jessica Parker is Janet, the ER doctor who cares for Wetherhold after he sustains a head injury. Wetherhold, himself a dysfunctional jerk, has an equally dysfunctional family. His daughter, Vanessa (Ellen Page), is a 17-year-old over-achiever, a Young Republican who cares more about getting a good SAT score than seeing her dad at the hospital. Thrown into the mix is Chuck (Thomas Haden Church), Wetherhold’s brother, a lazy, laid-back dude whom Wetherhold never fails to point out was adopted.

The romance between Quaid and Parker is the focus of the film, but it’s an empty, half-realized plot. Wetherhold is such a miserable bastard that there’s little gratification in seeing him fall for Janet, and the chemistry between the two is negligible at best. Janet’s character isn’t really fleshed out either, and it’s never clear what she sees in the misanthropic Wetherhold. A subplot about Wetherhold’s attempts to publish a manuscript about literary criticism is about as joyless and blasé as the romance between Wetherhold and Janet.

Meanwhile, Page and Haden Church have their own sort of twisted romance going on, one that’s far more interesting, although creepy and a little unsettling. After a night out drinking, Vanessa unexpectedly kisses Chuck—a surprising moment, and one that gives an unexpected depth to both characters. But incestuous sub-plots are a dicey gambit, even if the characters aren’t actually blood relations, and from that point on, Chuck and Vanessa are relegated to the background while Janet and Wetherhold awkwardly try to connect.

By all rights, Haden Church and Page should be the center of the film. Chuck, initially pegged as the dumb, lay-about adopted brother, is smarter, wittier and more perceptive than the rest of the characters and he gets most of the best lines. Page, meanwhile, is just as strong in this role as she was in “Juno,” a mess of insecurity and emotion under a cool, snarky exterior. Frustratingly, Mark Poirier’s script deprives Vanessa of the sort of resolution that her character deserves.

“Smart People” is the first film for both director Noam Murro and writer Poirier. It’s not a bad debut effort, but like a paper from a freshman English lit course, it rambles quite a bit and concludes abruptly, rushing the characters to a quick conclusion. There are some genuinely funny moments in there, though the off-kilter humor is lost amidst all the awkward silences and dispassionate conversations. Other parts of “Smart People” feel like they were lifted from “Little Miss Sunshine” and “The Royal Tenenbaums,” but without any of the charm. The smart people in “Smart People” talk a good game, but they really could use a few refresher courses.